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Hello, We are a couple male-straight, woman-bisexual. We are new to poly. We know that we want to explore being in a triad. We have gone on a couple of dates together with a woman we met online, which was exciting and new, but did not develop into a relationship. We would like to meet other women who are also interested in developing a relationship with us as a couple and to possibly build a triad relationship, however we are new to navigating the online dating and poly dating universe.
Ideally we would like to have a more "live" experience where we meet someone offline to be friends with at first-where the attraction and interests are shared and built mutually. In our exploration and learning more-we have come across the dreaded and sometimes derogatory term "unicorn hunters," it is somewhat discouraging to go out there with this term out there and to feel comfortable with what we want to share.
I guess what we want to ask is-how have others met people open to this kind of relationship? What are some experiences others have had with online dating as well as meeting offline dating-primarily couples wanting to become tri? Thank you kindly! NeonKaos Custodian. There are a lot of stories about that on here. Go ahead and do a tag search or look in the "Golden Nuggets" thread at the top of the forum. Couple seeking a third Moderator Staff member. My soon to be ex husband and I tried it back 10 yrs ago.
With a woman we met irl. It didnt work. As often happens, the unicorn was more into one of us him in this case than into the other. Why do married couples always think there's a chance this new friend will love each of them equally? How many other platonic friends do you 2 have that you both get along with equally well? There's always that third wheel factor. And don't forget the feelings of the other woman. Unless she really knows her way around being poly, she might be jealous of one or the other of you when she sees you 2 showing affection.
Hi We have just been through this process and I would say go carefully. Admittedly I was bi-curious rather than bi-sexual so that was problematic in itself. We found our lady online on a dating site and then took it "live" as it were. Advice: Set out clear boundaries, don't take anything for granted.
There is a thread I started last week under general discussions entitled "Help, In a right pickle" -Go very slowly because if it doesn't work, which it probably won't because the stats are apparently way against it, she will be losing two relationships and so it will hit her a lot harder than you.
There seems to be a huge desire for tri I don't know if it is so wise to go into this all with that notion. They are the most difficult configuration couple seeking a third yet the most often sought after. They most often end in one partner being hurt because love does not develop evenly. One gravitates to one or the other, usually the woman to a man and the other woman is left out and hurt.
If I were you both I would discuss just seeing what happens. There is no guarantee that the two of you even like the same kind of women. Why not go into this bonding on the fact that you would enjoy extra love in your life, rather than love from the same person.
Why not embrace the possibility of meeting separate people rather than one person. Keep it all open and fluid to possibility. I am thinking that you are thinking you want to do this together and that the above is not an option because you couldn't possibly be with someone without the other. Making an assumption about this as I have read it here many many times Better to deal with that now rather than when you are in it.
Do a search on this in tags as Neon says I don't know what is in golden nuggets on unicorns, but if neon suggests a search there then I'm sure it is with goog reason. I think it is in GN, but it may not be yet. If not, you better believe it will be soon. AutumnalTone New member. THink the lyrics to the unicorn song should be in GN? GroundedSpirit New member.
Well, now you can really relate to how people who are stereotyped for various other reasons feel! It is what it is. And it's going to be very difficult to overcome that stereotype unicorn hunters even if it isn't true which none of us can judge from here. But I agree with the others that you may need to do more studying on the nature of 3-way relationships before you even bother going through the frustration. It rarely plays out the way you think That's not a 'negative' - only a more realistic projection. Interpersonal dynamics between people just get trickier as the s increase and for the majority in our culture, the deep discussion of love and sexual interactions is not encouraged.
Knowledge and communication skills are the glue that hold things together and lacking that glue Derbylicious New member. If you are aware that you both have the capasity to love more than one why not couple seeking a third relax about the structure that any other relationship takes? Let what is going to come into your life come into your life. You may find that you do find someone to form a triad with or you both may find others who one of you connects with but not the other.
My only advice is don't try to rush things and don't try and force things. Be patient and keep an open mind. Thunderlizard New member. The simplest thing you will need. LOTS of patience. The dynamic you're looking for is very common. There's a reason those women who fit the description you're seeking are called Unicorns. You can realistically expect to spend years looking, and go through some broken feelings and difficult situations in between.
Too bad She's gotta like me and the wife both, but maybe be into the wife just a bit more. She shouldn't smoke, drink lightly, and have no baggage in her past to interfere with what we're trying to build. Honest, communicative, and understanding on the side, please" Unfortunately, it's more complex than that We'll keep our hopes flexible" Easy to wish you luck, you're far away, not competition. Thunderlizard said:. Click to expand PollyPocket New member.
I think the the anthropologist said it best in the other thread, where almost everyone agreed So you roll the dice But the reality is that there WILL be an imbalance!! If you can live watching your girl be "in love" with someone else and accept that it is NOT you, then you maybe can accept a Triad. If you can live with YOU being the one in Love, and the harsh feelings that your girl will experience, then it may also work.
The reality is though, that the odds are way against you! You have to have VERY low expectations, and hope that everyone can practice patience Doable for a bit I am living it now. Sooooo amazing at times You have to make the choice. Good luck! NeonKaos said:. PollyPocket said:. Last edited: Sep 13, That is exactly what is thought of when people look for a unicorn it seems Very short sighted. Who the hell doesn't have baggage! Therefore, why do people think that they will find someone who doesn't! Let alone someone that will be dedicated to just them for the long haul.
Derbylicious couple seeking a third. Much better to look for people who's bagage doesn't clash with the stuff you own! Check my thre thunder.Couple seeking a third
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